Diary entry: Disappointed, but not surprised. And it's ok.

To claim to wanting a future. To say one dreams of grasping the ideal euphoric state of mind. And yet...

Kills the future they claim to want with speaking and blasting out the wounds into the public eye with such intricate detail again and again...continuing to go about without thinking of the consequence!!...which is loss...As if nothing was learned from the times before...where the action killed the dream because the thought of loss was not at heart. The only thought that came to mind was revenge. Release. Stress-relief by any means necessary. Where is the growth?

To hurt someone in the public eye time and time again...especially when this is to people that you claim to hold dear to your soul...that eventually, will intermix with everyone around you and the one you love will be presented to them...but the one you love is the one you announce as your downfall in life? And you share with the world the reasons why? Question: Is this one of the times where the good no longer exists unless you're carrying it in your hand the entire time?

And in ANY of this! Is this what love is? Don't claim what you *think* you see is comparable to what is real. What you think is not me. What you vent is not what you see. Your thoughts do not mirror what you face. It has been and still is safe to say that what you assume is not what is real. If anything...you're a depiction of my past and I'm a glimpse of what future could be like when one chooses to think of the consequences before they speak and throw, but nothing more. How you act versus what you claim of me? I'm sorry...but they're not one in the same. I still smile when I think of the future. I still smile when I hold onto parts of my past. When I think of the now? It's when I must turn away because it gives an upsetting frown of disappointment.

I'm not mad. I'm not shaken. If we were to be similar to any emotion, it would be numbness. I'm numb of the present. But this is good because it gets me that much closer to the future. :-) Thank you. However it takes for you to get there does affect tomorrow, but it lets me go for now with a peace of mind...thank you for giving me more reason to walk...with a smile towards the future.