For the first time in *years* I went to Ash Wednesday mass. It was a great feeling. :-) I forget how wonderful of a feeling it is to just *go* to church. Performing every Sunday is a blessing in itself, but going just to go...it's nice to be in a place where you're with others who are sharing a simple purpose: to reflect on your relationship with God and others.
One of the versus in the Gospel caught my attention. It was from the book of Matthew, but don't ask me what the verse is because I wouldn't know what to tell you. :-P I just remember the message of that verse was to not *look* and *act* like you are starving. Wash your face, clean yourself up, and smile. Because the only one you are fasting and sacrificing for is God; the others shouldn't see any sign of struggle. If they *do*...if you continue to complain about your trials to them and not to God...what is to become of it? How would you fully heal? How can you set an example for others if you're incapable of showing that you *can* overcome difficulties in your life?
What I appreciate most about Ash Wednesday are the actual ashes you receive on your forehead. :-) "From dust you were created and from dust you shall return." I dig that. You leave this place...go about your daily routine and to see others with the cross on their forehead...it puts a smile on my face. It's one of the many ways of showing the devotion to their faith, and even moreso, it shows they're about to take on a 40 day journey to fine-tune their relationship with Him for life. Good times...good times. :-)
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In other news! I just got the most bomb diggity mattress on the planet! :-D (Thanks, Pia for talking with Mom! :-D) YAY! No more creaking back pain! OhmiGAH I can't wait. :-D And eventually...awesome bedding for the very awesome bed. :-) Sigh...it puts a smile on my face and relief on my spine.
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Now...what to do with the futon that has the hugest divot on the planet. Yeah...cheap furniture? Only means MORE cheap furniture...and the end result? Not so cheap!! Stupid broken pieces of shhhhh....anyway.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Insecurities Exposed
I am aware of my flaws. I have many. I have many insecurities...it just didn't occur to me how blatantly aware others are of them. And how much it affects them!
Because of this, I am going to add another piece to my practice of the Lenten Season. It is a broad summary of everything listed below, but it will be my main focus: minimizing my imperfections.
I'm a mess inside and out. It's time to clean it up, so that the good will hopefully outweigh the bad.
No longer selfishly defending and reasoning my way out of what I *know* has healthier alternatives I normally choose to avoid.
Welcoming Ash Wednesday. Welcoming the Lenten Season. Ready to rejuvenate and have my main focal point in everything I attempt to do be in service for the Lord.
Because of this, I am going to add another piece to my practice of the Lenten Season. It is a broad summary of everything listed below, but it will be my main focus: minimizing my imperfections.
I'm a mess inside and out. It's time to clean it up, so that the good will hopefully outweigh the bad.
No longer selfishly defending and reasoning my way out of what I *know* has healthier alternatives I normally choose to avoid.
Welcoming Ash Wednesday. Welcoming the Lenten Season. Ready to rejuvenate and have my main focal point in everything I attempt to do be in service for the Lord.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Lent 2009
These 40 days of Lent coming up...I am going to take the time to learn a lot about myself. To be a better person for family, friends, loved ones, and most importantly, for the Lord.
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*Learning how to be independent. How to take care of myself first and foremost so I can be there for others at my best. I can't help others if I can't help myself.
*I haven't been taking care of my body as well as I should, so I'm going to get back into the swing of that. (Starting off with no processed snacks...lol we'll see how that goes. Goshdern Quaker snack bars)
*Keeping on the top of my game with studies.
*Being prompt (HAH...no, seriously.)
*Praying everyday. But not for me. I need to learn to pray selfless prayers consistently. For all those who support me and for those who need support.
*I want to stop being vulgar. It's so ugly.
*Cleanliness...inside and out. Maintaining my surroundings on the outside so that I'm in a good environment where I will be motivated to be better on the inside.
*Checking up on the people who always check up on me. Trying hard to organize my time well so that I keep the bonds strong.
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These will be the focus of my 40 days. It's going to be difficult...especially with the recent changes I need to adapt to. :-( But I'm looking forward to it because it will make it that much better for my future and the future of my relationships with others. :-)
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*Learning how to be independent. How to take care of myself first and foremost so I can be there for others at my best. I can't help others if I can't help myself.
*I haven't been taking care of my body as well as I should, so I'm going to get back into the swing of that. (Starting off with no processed snacks...lol we'll see how that goes. Goshdern Quaker snack bars)
*Keeping on the top of my game with studies.
*Being prompt (HAH...no, seriously.)
*Praying everyday. But not for me. I need to learn to pray selfless prayers consistently. For all those who support me and for those who need support.
*I want to stop being vulgar. It's so ugly.
*Cleanliness...inside and out. Maintaining my surroundings on the outside so that I'm in a good environment where I will be motivated to be better on the inside.
*Checking up on the people who always check up on me. Trying hard to organize my time well so that I keep the bonds strong.
-----------------------------------
These will be the focus of my 40 days. It's going to be difficult...especially with the recent changes I need to adapt to. :-( But I'm looking forward to it because it will make it that much better for my future and the future of my relationships with others. :-)
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Late Nights
Ever since I was little I was never able to sleep well until *extremely* late at night. I don't know why. But lately it's been getting REALLY bad. Even after I have an exhausting day, I usually end up in bed at about 4am, if at all. I can feel my body deteriorating. :-( Not good, kids. Don't try this at home.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Update
I know it's been a while, so here's an update on what's been going down as of late.
I left PLU (Pacific Lutheran University for the cuzzos who don't know :-P) for a little bit back in 2006. I needed to step back, take a breather. I went to Pierce Community College for a couple of years and now I'm back at PLU as of Fall 2008! Wheee! :-D It's been challenging, stressful, yet successful! All is well...I pray to God I graduate Spring 2010. I'm majoring in English/Writing and minoring in Music. Good times, good times. :-)
...It's a little weird. I feel a little old at times, just because the familiar faces...even some of the places have left and gone. :-( But I'm in a good place now.
I was actually taking on this internship for a while with New York Life as well. I had been working with them since August 2008...but something in my heart compelled me to stop. It was too distracting for my studies and it just added unnecessary stress, so I shelved it...for now.
I was working at Bath and Body Works for two years...left the place. It just wasn't the same! I only started working there to get to know people, have a little fun with a little discount. ;-) Well, I made enough use out of my discount, I made my friends...and scene. :-P
My life has literally been school and church. Church and school. I've still been very active with singing and playing the piano. (My parents even got me a new toy for my 24th! Yay piano! :-D)
What else...oh! Lost 70ish pounds! But you already knew that...:-P
I just wanted to catch everyone up to speed. :-)
I left PLU (Pacific Lutheran University for the cuzzos who don't know :-P) for a little bit back in 2006. I needed to step back, take a breather. I went to Pierce Community College for a couple of years and now I'm back at PLU as of Fall 2008! Wheee! :-D It's been challenging, stressful, yet successful! All is well...I pray to God I graduate Spring 2010. I'm majoring in English/Writing and minoring in Music. Good times, good times. :-)
...It's a little weird. I feel a little old at times, just because the familiar faces...even some of the places have left and gone. :-( But I'm in a good place now.
I was actually taking on this internship for a while with New York Life as well. I had been working with them since August 2008...but something in my heart compelled me to stop. It was too distracting for my studies and it just added unnecessary stress, so I shelved it...for now.
I was working at Bath and Body Works for two years...left the place. It just wasn't the same! I only started working there to get to know people, have a little fun with a little discount. ;-) Well, I made enough use out of my discount, I made my friends...and scene. :-P
My life has literally been school and church. Church and school. I've still been very active with singing and playing the piano. (My parents even got me a new toy for my 24th! Yay piano! :-D)
What else...oh! Lost 70ish pounds! But you already knew that...:-P
I just wanted to catch everyone up to speed. :-)
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Back in Full Effect
Oh blogging. (<---reminds me of the word, "blugh." Anyway!)
I miss having a place where I can share my thoughts with those I love. Something everyone can access with the click of a button. Places like MySpace and Facebook are too cluttered for me, that's why I had always kept my Xanga and LiveJournal running separately...a simple, direct link into my thoughts.
It's been a year now since those sites were set on lock-down. I had them removed because I was tactless and tasteless in the way I conveyed my last set of thoughts. I don't even remember exactly what I was fuming about, but I do remember that it hurt people, especially my sisters whom I love the most.
I know this is long overdue, and we've moved forward since then, but I apologize to my sisters, (especially Toni) for all the grief I had caused because of my online journal entries. I love you more than you will ever know. I look up to you and Pia, honest to all goodness. You're my big sisters! I pray to God that I will keep on trying my damned hardest to never again jeopardize our relationships as I have in the past. I'm still learning, but know that I will love you forever and always. (No, I am *not* being cheese. I am *so* for serious and more.)
I also apologize to everyone else I offended with the things I've typed in the past. For those who ever read my cryptic entries and thought to themselves, "What the hell...is she typing about me? What does she mean?" Sorry for making you think the worst. :-(
So after all of that hell and a half, why create another one?! Well, why does *anyone* do these damned things? I have been EXTREMELY blessed to have many in my life care about me and my well-being. Thank you. This is for me AND for you. Everyone has moments in their day where they encounter something that makes them think to themselves, "I know who would appreciate this," or "I want to share this with my friends." ...Well!?
This is why I'm baffled at you all sometimes. I am a piece of shit when it comes to keeping in touch, and yet...you're still in my life. I'm still working on it, damnit! But one thing I kept consistent was updating you through things like these, right? So here it is, yet again. Christina's journal entries are back in full effect. I *swear* to you I will be truthful in the most respectful way, expressing feelings so that it can be the stepping stone for us to become closer.
Thanks for reading my first entry. :-) Next begins the nitty gritty...dun dun dun!
I miss having a place where I can share my thoughts with those I love. Something everyone can access with the click of a button. Places like MySpace and Facebook are too cluttered for me, that's why I had always kept my Xanga and LiveJournal running separately...a simple, direct link into my thoughts.
It's been a year now since those sites were set on lock-down. I had them removed because I was tactless and tasteless in the way I conveyed my last set of thoughts. I don't even remember exactly what I was fuming about, but I do remember that it hurt people, especially my sisters whom I love the most.
I know this is long overdue, and we've moved forward since then, but I apologize to my sisters, (especially Toni) for all the grief I had caused because of my online journal entries. I love you more than you will ever know. I look up to you and Pia, honest to all goodness. You're my big sisters! I pray to God that I will keep on trying my damned hardest to never again jeopardize our relationships as I have in the past. I'm still learning, but know that I will love you forever and always. (No, I am *not* being cheese. I am *so* for serious and more.)
I also apologize to everyone else I offended with the things I've typed in the past. For those who ever read my cryptic entries and thought to themselves, "What the hell...is she typing about me? What does she mean?" Sorry for making you think the worst. :-(
So after all of that hell and a half, why create another one?! Well, why does *anyone* do these damned things? I have been EXTREMELY blessed to have many in my life care about me and my well-being. Thank you. This is for me AND for you. Everyone has moments in their day where they encounter something that makes them think to themselves, "I know who would appreciate this," or "I want to share this with my friends." ...Well!?
This is why I'm baffled at you all sometimes. I am a piece of shit when it comes to keeping in touch, and yet...you're still in my life. I'm still working on it, damnit! But one thing I kept consistent was updating you through things like these, right? So here it is, yet again. Christina's journal entries are back in full effect. I *swear* to you I will be truthful in the most respectful way, expressing feelings so that it can be the stepping stone for us to become closer.
Thanks for reading my first entry. :-) Next begins the nitty gritty...dun dun dun!
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